Last week we got an email that laid out a good option for Ryan’s internship. We’ve known about this possibility for a while so it wasn’t a surprise in-and-of itself but it nailed down which country we will live in. There’s still a million seemingly impossible things that have to fall into place before it’s certain so it’s very much so still up in the air. Despite the excitement and anticipation I feel about moving abroad again, my emotions and thoughts are in check. I’m not planning itineraries or making ‘to-do’ lists (which is pretty incredible for me). It’s partially because I’m hesitant to think it will work out but mostly because little by little God is teaching me to give my plans and desires to him and accept the path he is leading me on.
But I don’t always like it. I often tire of the wait and the not knowing. Since we made our wedding vows Ryan and I have gone from temporary to temporary, each time I hope the next move will be permanent. But that long anticipated, much desired stability keeps getting pushed back. And back and back and back to the point where I despair of ever living somewhere for more than a handful of years (and that’s being optimistic). I lament to God and shake my fists at the sky.
So I’ve given up. I’ve folded my hand of cards. I’m not going to try and control the game anymore. I’m (mostly) ready to take what God deals me; no more attempts to manipulate the outcome by my own clever ideas or betting on cards I don’t have in my hand.
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand – Proverbs 19:21
I’m glad my many plans don’t stand. Given my way, our life would not look anything like it does now. While there are parts that I have not particularly enjoyed, our life is a thing of beauty. Each part of our journey has taught me invaluable lessons and formed our family and me. Every step prepares us for the next and God is teaching me to sit back and enjoy the journey and not focus on the destination.
As we travel our path with very little knowledge of what the future holds, my mantra is,
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope – Jeremiah 29:11
I have a future and a hope in Christ Jesus. God’s plans for me are good. The journey is hard (very hard at times) but God’s priority is not my happiness; he wants me to be holy. Through all this I am being sanctified and the fruits of the spirit are growing in me. It’s worth it.
What about you? How do you deal with the unknowns in your life? What gives you hope and encouragement?